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I’ve slipped away from our slumber party, as his eyes have finally closed and his tears are all used up.  For now. 

And this once…or maybe it’s already the thirtieth time, I’ll rehash those ten seconds.  The ones where he asks me if he can get a pair of scissors down so he can cut the grass in the backyard.  And I say yes, and I look away because as tricky as it seems, he has been getting scissors down from the high counter on his tip toes for months.  Only this time, it’s different.  And as he reaches above his head for the glass jar, it tips from the counter, rolls off the edge and crushes down on his 3 year old toes, still full of scissors.  I cannot remember at this point who is crying louder.  I think it’s him.  But I can hardly hear over the shouting in my own mind, a barrage of self-deprecation, “How could you?   How? Could? You?”  And I simply don’t know.  Believe me…I don’t .

So I could do no less than hold my small boy while he slept.  Fitfully.  Painfully.  Wakefully–asking again and again for his ouchie to go away. Then reversing roles and patting my frazzled hair and telling me, “it’s okay, mommy.  It’s okay.” How I want to believe him.

Well, here in the quiet before even a neighborhood dog has barked or the early risers have idled their cars, I’ve gushed my gratitude to God.  Slumber parties have that effect. I know broken toes will heal.  In time.  God has the technology! And when I forgive myself…may it be soon…so will I.

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No Responses to “Toes of Sorrow; Toes of Joy”

  1. Sarah says:

    Forgive yourself! He is alive and I am sure will be as busy as ever today making you forget there was ever anything slowing him down.

  2. Tanya Leaf says:

    Oh J…. accidents happen and with kids they happen so quick that they cannot be avoided. You are a wonderful mother and your kids are curious and full of mischief because you let them explore the world in thier own way … which is awesome. They are lucky to have you as their mother my friend. Don’t beat yourself up…. It won’t help anything and you don’t deserve it 🙂 Have peace my friend…. Tanya

  3. Linda H says:

    He is such a boy!! He is sweet and loving and adventuress. Things can happen … but he is so blessed because he has a loving sweet mother that will hold him and pray over him until his cute little eyes close for some healing sleep. I hope you both are feeling better today.

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