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I don’t know what brings our Olive Garden trip to mind now.  It certainly has nothing to do with the happenings of today, other than I wouldn’t mind a hamburger somewhere.  About now.

It’s just that four years ago…

The whole lobby of Olive Garden was spilling over with people, when my husband pushed the door open to use the restroom.  Only something didn’t resonate right.  While the waiter seated the rest of our party, I ran back to the lobby, grabbed the shoulder of the next lady heading into the women’s restroom like I was saving her from a fire, and in a half-panic attempted to explain to her that my husband was in the women’s restroom and would she mind waiting a moment ’til he came out.  She paused…in disgust, if I caught the look right.  Then backed away in disbelief.   Which, well,  made two of us.

Then I crept in and called for my husband, who was clearly sitting down behind closed doors and now wondering what I was doing in the men’s restroom.  Only I wasn’t in the men’s.  I was wringing my hands at the sink praying for him to flush in the next two seconds and get the heck out of  the ladies’ restroom.  

Which didn’t happen.  At least in those two seconds.

I snuck back out to the lobby with my heart overtaxed and my stomach completely unfit to eat a thing were we to make it that far in the evening.

Then as calmly as if he’d been sitting on a park bench in sunny weather listening to the birds sing and not hovering on the wrong toilet seat, my husband opened the door and walked out.  By which time I met him across the lobby, still hyperventilating, and pointed to the ‘Ladies’ sign on the restroom door.  Which meant nothing to my husband, until I sputtered, “you just used the ladies restroom!” 

My husband crinkled his eyebrows like I’d just spoken in French, peeked over his shoulder at the door he’d exited and then said as one does when his shoelace breaks, “I’ll be darn.”


5 Responses to “"Going" Where No Man Has Gone Before”

  1. alccorting says:

    Ha, Ha! Nothing phases him, huh? Brad

  2. Carolyn Moore says:

    I sit here in my living room tending to my own business and then up comes, “Where no man has gone before”. I have laughed my socks off. So now with cold feet I humbly say, THANKS FOR THE GOOD LAUGH.

  3. Sarah says:

    I love your husband. He reacts to nothing. Cool as an ice berg he is. I was at a Seahawks game where a man was escorted out of the stadium for using the womens rest room. It can be considered sexual harassment I learned that day. I tried to tell the man waiting outside I did not feel harassed and it was ok “policy mam” was his response.

  4. Ruth Slagowski says:

    I think this is my favorite so far. Oh who am I kidding!? I love them all, but this one I had to read out loud to Steve. I didn’t tell him until I was finished who wrote it. He was quite amused.
    Don’t stop writing! It’s like when you are laughing so hard you cry. You need to stop and breathe but you can’t and so no sound comes out. I need to stop and breathe but I’m having too much fun!!

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