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Monthly Archive for December, 2010

Hiccup Handled

We’d barely made eye contact when my son guiltily confessed to, uh, nothing.  What he said:  “I wasn’t doing anything.”  What he meant:  “While you were taking a shower and I was completely unsupervised for ten minutes, I dumped all 64 oz of my sister’s new bubblebath on my bedroom carpet.  Every drop.” What I said before […]

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Why? I say

Sometimes I just don’t ask.  Only I did. “Son, why are you spanking the mannequin’s bottom?”  And again, “Son, why are there 14 size stickers across your face?” “Why is there a sock on every stair?” “And every piece of clothing from your drawers in the middle of the floor?” “Why are you, a pair of […]

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Me Thinks I Heard a Whine

I don’t know if post-Christmas selfishness hit your house.  But it made a stop at ours.   Only it was at the moment we were due at my in-laws to eat the meal-of-the-year.  Which meant that either we were taking a selfish child with us.  Or one of us was eating cold steak. Cold steak it […]

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A Moment at the Manger

There’d been some confusion at our manger all December, as manger members disappeared for days at a time.  There’d be Mary, baby Jesus and a lamb.  But no Joseph.  Then Joseph would show up and the shepherd would be off doing whatever…wherever.  Only the lamb was still there. That all three of our lost-in-route wise men showed […]

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Christmas Eve Medley

That this Christmas tree is wearing breakable bulbs from top branch to tree skirt can mean but one thing:  It ain’t ours. Rather…it is a far cry from ours which has been snipped of most of its bottom branch on the right side, has no water because the cat was thirsty, lacks garland on the whole top […]

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Dog Walking 101

That our dog is one of those untiny dogs has caused more than one person to gasp at the front door.  But if you’re my son and a giant German Shepherd is all you’ve ever hugged, size doesn’t matter.  And apparently neither does your ensemble. Here’s my son in his sister’s pink boots from last year walking the dog. […]

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Maybe Santa Claus is a part of your Christmas tradition.  Which is completely your business.  No judgement, here.  I just had no idea he was a part of ours.  Until a friend stopped by and asked my son if he was excited for Christmas.  Which was like asking him, “do you think we should feed you […]

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Hark! The Pillow-cased Angels Sing

“You’ve got to know when to hold ’em… Know when to fold ’em…Know when to walk away…Know when to run.” Were Kenny Rogers here I’d’ve thanked him for putting my Christmas program feelings in a song.  That the program ever made it to the stage had nothing to do with me.  Nothing. I, uh, knew when to run. […]

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Frost Licker

Even to begin with there was nothing fantastic about that zip-loc bag of spaghetti sauce.  Except that it was frozen.  And we were going to eat it.  That was until it was laying on the kitchen floor next to a jam stain with my son breathing heavily over it, making spaghetti sauce appeal to no one.  Except my son.  […]

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It's a Wonderful Life

That I had an acute case of ‘woe-is-me’ last night certainly didn’t seem appropriate for the season.  It’s just that at six p.m. my lengthy list of things I’d had hopes of  finishing was still sitting with just a single check mark beside it.  And I’d had to write that item in, just so I could mercifully check […]

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