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Depression.

They’ve got drugs for that.  Drugs to get you over the edge.  Drugs to make you appear normal when inside ain’t nothing normal going on.

Drugs to change reality to something more manageable.

Drugs to cope.  Drugs to pretend you’re coping.

Not that these are the answer.

Seven years ago after the birth of our daughter, I ended up in cahoots with a bottle of Zoloft.  One more person on an antidepressant trying to swim upstream with a bad fin.  One more person sobbing for a piece of normal.

I didn’t want the tiny pills.

I didn’t want the freakish fear that overwhelmed me. Or the world to spin when I stood.

I couldn’t explain the chest pain.  Or the sense that there wasn’t enough air to breathe.

I just wanted Me back.  Wherever I was.

Which is why I get it.  This anxiety.  This depression stuff.  This pain people talk about–or they don’t– as the holiday pendulum pushes them past extremes.

And which is why I pray God’s peace, His rest, and His eternal love to be what overwhelms us this Christmas…

This hour…

This moment…

This very breath.

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2 Responses to “Because Sometimes the Holidays Hurt”

  1. Linda H says:

    Very beautifully said … I understand … Years ago I was in that dark place. Then I was blessed because God’ Grace pulled me out of the depression and showed me the light. Maybe back then someone sweet, like you, said a similar prayer for me. I’m going to adopt your prayer for the Christmas season. Thank you.

  2. Sarah says:

    I am so thankful for this post. This time of year is hard for many as is having babies. A little empathy and a big prayer are quite a wonderful gift.
    Thank you Jeanne,
    Sarah

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