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What I’ve Noticed

When I’m in a hurry, agitated, whatever…completely not at peace…

The car four feet ahead of me will squeak through on the yellow. At which time I’ll stop with my wheels on the crosswalk and wait for a light that stays green in the opposite direction until the pedestrian is half a block away and lighting a cigarette.

When I’m in a hurry and have lost my peace…

The bank drive-thru ATM will be ‘temporarily out of service’. At which time I’ll wheel around the whole parking lot to the front of the building to find that the only other person at the bank before it opens is someone’s grandma. Probably nice as can be. But standing at the walk-up ATM and reading–for gosh sakes–every word on the screen a couple of times.

When I’m in a hurry and have chucked my peace elsewhere…

Getting bulk oatmeal into a plastic bag will be as easy as giving the cat a bath. Store management, however, will be very understanding and send someone immediately to clean up my mess.

When I’m in a hurry and could use some peace…

My library card will exceed the fine limit of $10.00, meaning I’ve got to rally some change or the books in my arms aren’t going home with me. The only coins I’ve got will be the ones in the door pocket of the van. And mostly pennies and nickels. For emergencies. Like this one.

However…

When I’m at peace…

I can smile at my son’s ‘help’ in the kitchen. I can say, “that’s okay,” when the butter skids across the floor and I can mean it. Because–for now– it is okay. And I realize I’m shaping his heart.

When I walk in peace…

I have time for games. For UNO and Slamwich. Blokus and Scrabble. I deal cards with him. And draw letters with her. And I don’t excuse myself at the chirp of my cell phone.

When peace surrounds me…

I don’t stare in my closet at nothing to wear. I don’t compare my matted, unshowered do and my overgrown eyebrows with the other kindergartner moms and their coffees. I listen, instead–with both ears– to my son’s proud voice that shouts, “that’s my mom! She’s here!!” And then runs to where I wait.

When peace is all I’ve got…

I have enough.

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