Feed on
Posts
Comments

Category Archive for 'Humor'

The Literalist

Except for the background beat softly thumping from the speakers in the living room, we are quiet. The three of us. Rooted in the kitchen. Each to his own thought, his own business. His own mess. The song in the background reaches the chorus and the singer belts, “lift up your voice…lift up your voice…” […]

Share

Read Full Post »

Redefining Exercise

The plan was simple. Put on a padded gym top. Go to the gym. Look busy on a recumbent bike. And I did. Look busy. Busy trying to find where the pad for my right boob had gone. Not that I saw it go anywhere. I just sensed in mid-magazine article that the right side […]

Share

Read Full Post »

The Pot Bangers

It was my younger sister who dredged up a 25-year old New Year’s Eve memory with a simple text. “So…you gonna bang some pots and pans together again this year?” And I smiled faster than my thumbs could type. “Uh…you know it.” I answered. And 200 miles apart, we both snickered. Because one only bangs […]

Share

Read Full Post »

The New Thanksgiving

Minus our son who was jogging in place in his underwear and who’d already spent two-seconds on his bed time prayer, we had our eyes closed. Sort of. My husband was the last to pray. At which time he droned from the doorway his gratitude for this and that. “…and thank you for this holiday,” […]

Share

Read Full Post »

The Informant

The one in the red chair wants to know. Wants to know if I have eyes in my back. And I whisper his words slowly with a crinkled forehead, “in my back?” “You know,” he says, “behind you.” At which time his sister rescues him and says, “he means, do you have eyes in the […]

Share

Read Full Post »

Beware the Quiet Ones

I’m telling ya… Sometimes you gotta check in on the quiet ones.  The ones who read books still their legs turn to prickles.  Or who fiddle with 500 piece jigsaw puzzles…for fun. Because you never know when they’re gonna shimmy noiselessly up the door jamb in a skirt.  And then holler like the house is […]

Share

Read Full Post »

Seven Pounds in Seven Days

It happened right here.  Pier 91. Last Sunday. We kissed our waistlines ‘goodbye’.  And boarded the Oosterdam. This tiny thing. With 2094 other guests.  And 808 crew members. And sailed away from this place. With smiles that wrapped around our faces. We didn’t know what lay ahead–things like decadent desserts and classy napkins.  But if […]

Share

Read Full Post »

No Secrets Here

For six or seven minutes both kids steadied a rainbow of cars on the treadmill.  Rows of cars.  Cars whose three-second future would end in a lump at the end of the treadmill My son held each up, declaring it a favorite before spotting something shinier and speedier in the next and changing his mind. […]

Share

Read Full Post »

The Birthday Meal

We were still burping bits of my mother-in-law’s mashed potatoes and fried chicken and releasing the top button of our pants, when my son sighed, “well, it wasn’t my favorite meal.” There was a collective, “oh?” as we noticed his plate, completely scarfed of chicken and on its second serving of potatoes. “So…what would you […]

Share

Read Full Post »

In varying degrees these last two weeks, our house has smelled like red Christmas candle. When it shouldn’t. Same with our son’s fingernails. And the white paneling on our stairway.  Now white and red–like candy canes–and extending as far as a little boy’s fingernails can reach. To smear wax. Which makes sense now, I suppose, having […]

Share

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

Skip to toolbar